The Biggest Crossover EVER!
by Gray-Eyed Charlatan
Summary: Total crack fic! Humor! Laughter! Stupidity at its best! It's a combination of EIGHT- no, not seven, not nine, but EIGHT- pieces of media and literature, like PJO, Harry Potter, Artemis Fowl, Underland Chronicles, Spongebob, Hannah Montana and much more!
1. Chapter 1

**WARNING: Prepare for extreme randomness and a little more than "fairly odd," per se, pairings.**

**, ARE YOU READY TO ROCK?!**

**Fanfiction people: No!**

**GOOD, BECAUSE YOU ARE ABOUT TO READ THE AWESOMEST **(I know it's not a word, thank you very much) **CROSSOVER EVER!**

**BECAUSE WE ARE GOING TO MUSH THINGS TOGETHER THAT HAVE NEVER BEEN MUSHED BEFORE!**

**Fanfiction people: Wow, great wording. Not.**

**YOU ARE ABOUT TO READ THE MOST GINORMOUS-**

**Fanfiction people: Again with the wording.**

**CROSSOVER EVER IN THE HISTORY OF FANFICTION! BUT I STILL HAVE TO ADD THAT NO, I AM NOT RICK RIORDAN, IN CASE ANY OF YOU WERE WONDERING!**

**Fanfiction people: We really weren't.**

**WE ARE GOING TO CROSS BOUNDARIES! BECAUSE WE ARE MIXING:**

**1. Percy Jackson and the Olympians  
2. Harry Potter  
3. Twilight  
4. Artemis Fowl  
5. Underland Chronicles  
6. The Fairly Oddparents  
7. Spongebob Squarepants  
8. Hannah Montana, yaaaaaa'll**

**SO LET'S GET ON WITH IT! WOOO!**

Chapter One 

_(Percy POV)_

I was walking around camp with Annabeth, Rachel, Nico, and Grover when I saw Chiron.

"Hey, Chiron!" I said happily.

"Percy. I have urgent news. You and your friends here are being deported."

"Whaddozatmeen?"

Annabeth hit my head and said, "We're kicked out of the country?"

"Sadly, yes."

"Why?" Nico shrieked.

"I don't know. So, I have arranged for you five to move to England."

"EEEEEW!" screamed Rachel. "I hate the English!"

"Rachel Elizabeth Dare, do not insult the English. So, you are all going to move to Hogwarts."

"What's Hog Warts?" I wondered aloud.

"A school for British descendants of Hecate, goddess of magic," Annabeth said, hitting me again. "And it's not Hog Warts, it's Hogwarts."

"Same dif," I whined, rubbing my head.

"So, when do we leave?" asked Grover through a mouth of tinfoil.

"You leave immediately," Chiron said, pointing to a helicopter landing right in the middle of the cabins.

_(Bella POV)_

I was busy making out with my hubbie, the uber-hot, perfect, Gay Edward-Cedric, when Carlisle jumped into the room and said, "Bella! Edward! I have some urgent news!"

"What?" I complained, wiping off my mouth with Edward's long, long, long, flowing hair.

"You two and Jacob are being deported."

Edward-Cedric growled, "Why are we being thrown out of the country?"

"I don't know."

"What about Renesmee?" I cried in anguish.

"She's being sent to Canada."

"NOOOOOO! NOT THE CANADIANS!"

"Anyway, you, Edward-Cedric, and Jacob are moving to England."

"NOOOOOO! NOT THE ENGLISH!"

"Relax, Bella. You are being sent to a school for vampires and werewolves called Hogwarts."

"Hog Warts?"

"No. Hogwarts. You leave immediately." Carlisle pointed to a helicopter crashing through the roof of our house.

_(Artemis POV)_

I was plotting another plan at world domination when Butler crashed into the room.

"Hey, Domovoi, my good man!" I said, trying to give him a high-five.

"Artemis, I have urgent news." He ducked out of the way of my outstretched hand.

"What is it? Have the Japanese found that atomic bomb that I planted?" I asked in panic, chewing my nails.

"No. Worse. You and Juliet and Holly are being deported."

"For what?"

"I don't know. I have arranged for you all to move to Hogwarts."

"That stupid school for fairies in England?"

"Yes, that is the one. You leave immediately." He pointed to a helicopter landing on my front lawn.

_(Gregor POV_)

"So, Luxa, what are you doing tonight?" I asked her as I sat with her on the back of Aurora, her gold motorcycle.

"I'm going to kill off the rats."

"Awesome. Can I help?"

"Sure."

"Can I kill Ripred?"

"Sure."

Just then, Vikus appeared next to us on his big gray moped, Euripides.

"Gregor! I have urgent news!"

I gave him a look as if to say, "You're interrupting a moment here!"

He ignored me and shouted, "You and Luxa are being deported!"

"Why? Is it because I convinced you guys to make the Underland go 21st century?" I had this totally awesome idea to replace the animals with cars and jets and stuff. And we got Satellite TV, since we hooked up some electricity.

"I don't know. Anyway, you guys are going to live in England, at a school for Regalians called Hogwarts."

"Hog Warts?" I asked in a confused sort of way.

"No, Hogwarts!" Luxa said.

"When do we leave?" I said to Vikus.

"You leave immediately." Then he pointed to a big helicopter lowering itself through solid rock ceilings.

_(Timmy POV)_

"No, Tootie or whatever your name is, I will NOT kiss you!" I shrieked in my girl-voice that attracted the hearts of so many.

Suddenly Jorgen von Strangle materialized into the room.

"Teemy Turner!"

"That's ma name, don't wear it out!" After I said that, Tottie giggled.

"Yoo and your faireez are bee-eng dee-pour-tid!"

"NO! This can't be happening!"

"Yoo weel leeve een Eenglind, een ah skool cawled Hogwarts!"

"Hog Warts?"

"NO, HOGWARTS!"

"Whatever! When do I leave?"

"Yoo leeve ee-mee-dee-it-lee." Then Jorgen pointed his meaty arm to a helicopter that was landing directly above my goldfish bowl.

_(Spongebob POV)_

"Yay! Time for FUN!" I said joyfully as I flipped patties and watched Squidward through the little window.

"Spongebob!" said Mr. Krabs, walking through the door into the kitchen.

"Yes, Mr. Krabs?" I said.

"You and Mr. Squidward are being deported!"

"De-what-ted?"

"Deported. Kicked out. So you are going to go to England."

"What is England?"

"Sandy knows. But you have no time to ask her! I'm not exactly sure either, but you will be going to a school for undersea life called Hogwarts."

"Hog Warts?"

"No, Hogwarts. You leave immediately."

He jabbed a claw in the direction of a helicopter landing through the roof of the Krusty Krab.

_(Miley POV)_

OMG, I wuz lyk doing nada untill my daddy-o had 2 com in and ruin everythang

"MILEY" he said loudly

"whadda u want, old mann" I said loudly.

"u and ur friends r being deported"

"omg, what's deported"

"I don't know."

"where am i going 2"

"england. Hogwarts."

"Hog Warts?"

"no, Hogwarts u and lily and oliver leave soon"

"how soon is soon"

"You leave immediately." He gestured to a helicopter landing on the beach that just happens to be behind our house.

"sweet whatever-its," i muttered. "SUPREME LORD MONTANA WILL STILL TAKE OVER THE WORLD!"

**Yes! That is the end of the first chapter! Now, don't give up on me yet! The next chapter will be better! I just had to explain why they're all flying by helicopter to Hogwarts with a few accomplices.**

**What will our heroes do? What will our villains do? What will I do?**

**Stay tuned. Please.**

**You know, it would absolutely make my day if I got a few reviews...  
**


	2. Chapter 2

**Hello, All! I would just like to thank (and other things, for some) my wonderful (and sometimes misguided) reviewers! **

**Thank you, everyone, for giving POSITIVE reviews! They were so nice and made me want to start frolicking under a rainbow with some unicorns!**

**And, no thank you, for you people who gave NEGATIVE reviews. I will point out a few points:**

**1. This story is humorous, if you even have a sense of humor  
2. They have edited the crossover way of doing things (You can only crossover two books now). Not only that, but I am crossing over eight stories, so that would be too many to do the new crossover feature.  
3. The spelling and grammar mistake in Empress Montana's section were deliberate, obviously. Did I write like that for the rest of the story? No, I didn't.  
4. I only changed POVs many times so that you could see the similarities between each different story. Starting in this chapter, I'm going to do specific POVs. And, yes, I will notify you which one I am using.  
5. I know no one has said this yet, but I know the characters are OOC. They're supposed to be.  
6. Sorry, I'm not taking Spongebob out. He rules. **

**Now, for the happy part! **

Chapter Two

_(Harry POV) (Post Order of the Phoenix, before Half-Blood Prince)  
_

So, I was just wandering the corridors like I usually did when Dumbledore came up to me!

"Harry," he said. "Remember how I told you we are having new students come here?"

"Yes." Of course I remembered! What did he think I was, stupid?

"Well, they are arriving right now." He pointed out a window at seven helicopters landing near the lake.

"WHOA! Why are they using Muggle transportation?"

"Harry, it's time I told you the truth. Here at Hogwarts we are not all wizards."

"Then how do we all do magic?" I was utterly confounded.

"It's a magical thing called Mist, Harry. Your new friends that are exiting their helicopters will tell you all about it!"

While I opened my mouth to protest, Dumbledore shuffled off. So I decided to go outside to meet the new students.

_Later_

So, I was standing near one of the helicopters when several people exited: one blonde, one redhead, one depressing-looking lad, one half-goat-thing-person, and one boy just as wimpy as I was! I knew I was going to have fun!

"Hi!" I said to the boy. "My name is Harry Potter! What's your name?"

"I'm Percy Jackson!" said the boy. "Wow! Is it just me, or do we look a lot alike?"

I looked him over as he looked me over, and I found that we WERE exactly alike, except for my glasses. I actually didn't need them, but I thought they looked cool. So I wore them. And pretended that I needed them.

"We must be twins!" I said.

The blonde girl rolled her eyes at me in a very Hermione-like way. "Oh, Harry, that's impossible. He's a son of Poseidon. And your parents are dead, aren't they?"

I sniffled, and then sobbed, "Yes. My parents are... are... are... d-d-d-d-d-d-"

"-Ead," finished Percy.

Then another helicopter landed, and yet another boy with black hair exited, and with another blonde, but also with a two-foot-tall redhead. How queer!

"Look out, England! Artemis Fowl has arrived!" declared the boy. All of us started cracking up.

"Oh, Artemis," said the midget. "Stop being so... arrogant."

The boy came up to Percy and me.

"This is weird," we all said. Artemis also looked just like us, besides his blue eyes.

A third helicopter landed.

"How many are there?" I whined.

A boy with brown hair and blonde girl (again) got off. The boy looked us all over critically, like he was an assassin that was figuring out the best way to kill us. We were going to be great friends, I could tell!

"Come over here," demanded the boy named Artemis.

The brown-haired person said, "How do I know that you're all not evil?"

"Because you look just like us!" Percy said. It was true- the brown-haired boy looked just like us in everything except hair color. What was happening?

"What's your name?" I asked.

"Gregor," he said after a little while. "Why?"

I pointed to myself. "Well, I'm Harry- Harry Potter. Maybe you've heard of me?"

"Oh, you're the star of those books, right? The Harry Potter series?" Gregor asked, open-mouthed.

"What books?! I'm me, and I'm not in any books!"

"Hey, are we at Hogwarts?" Percy asked. "School for wizards?"

"You're Percy Jackson!" I realized. "And you're The Artemis Fowl? And you must be Gregor the Overlander!"

"I'm not in any books," said Artemis. "You all are, but I certainly am not. My devious little plans are still unknown to the government! And if I was in books, wouldn't they know what I was up to?"

"I'm not in books either," Percy pouted. "I can't be! But all of your books are ah-mazing, if I do say so myself."

"I'm in no books either," snorted Gregor. "I'm an Overlander that lives in the Underland. 'Nuf said."

The girls had already figured it out, I think. And I noticed that Hermione had joined them in their girl-huddle.

They said in unison, "We're all characters in books! Can't you idiots realize that?"

All of us boys looked at each other, then at the girls. And we were gaping.

Stopping the awkward silence, another helicopter landed. A brunette teenage girl, a tall, brooding, pale caveman, and a very tall Native American exited.

"This is Hogwarts?" the girl said sourly. "La-aame."

"Yes. Very lame," said the caveman.

The Native American came up to us, and I realized he towered over us by at least four feet.

"Hello, small people," he said pleasantly. "I'm Jacob Black."

Artemis Fowl's blonde friend shrieked and fainted. Then she stood up and ran over to Jacob.

She said rapidly, "OMG-You're-in-Twilight-I-love-Twilight-you-are-such-an-awesome-character-will-you-marry-me-please-my-name-is-Juliet-Butler-Juliet-Black-would-be-a-cool-name-don't-you-think?"

"North Dakota!" Jacob said.

Juliet hugged him tightly. Jacob mouthed to Artemis, "Help!"

Artemis said, "She's an unstoppable force of nature." Then he shrugged.

Percy's blonde friend pointed to the caveman. "That makes you Edward-Cedric? Eeew. Oh, yeah. I'm Annabeth."

The caveman, Edward-Cedric, looked hurt. He said in a very surly way, "Yes. I am Edward-Cedric. And this is Bella." The brunette waved at the girls. "This is Hogwarts?"

Another helicopter landed. An animated boy with a big head got off with two floating things.

"I'm Timmy Turner!" he said in his girl-voice.

"You have a TV show!" everyone of us, including the girls (which means Edward-Cedric too) said.

"You all have books!" he screeched. "These are Cosmo and Wanda, my fairies!"

The midget redhead said offended-ly, "Hey, I'm a fairy. I know fairies. Hate to break it to ya, but they're really enchanted yaks."

"Yep," said Cosmo-the-yak.

Timmy sobbed, "You lied to me!"

"Yep," said Wanda-the-yak.

A sixth helicopter landed, and we all groaned. When the door opened, a flood of water emptied out. One giant sponge with a goldfish bowl on its head came out looking very joyous.

"SPONGEBOB!" we all cheered.

"That's me!" he smiled. "Who are you all? Do you know Sandy? She's from up here too, you know."

"Sandy Cheeks? The squirrel?" clarified Artemis Fowl. We all looked at him. "What? I love Spongebob's show!"

"I have a show? On television?" I didn't think it was physically possible for a sponge to smile so brightly!

Then a seventh helicopter landed.

"Is that the last one?" all the girls complained.

"Make way for Hannah Montana!" said a whiny black-haired boy.

"Hey, come over here!" all of us look-alikes said. But- nope- for once someone didn't look like us! Yay!

"Make way now!" said yet another blonde said, before joining the girls.

"I'm HEEERE, ya'll!" twanged a voice.

"NOOOOOOOOO!" we said miserably.

**Stay tuned!**


	3. Chapter 3

_(Hannah Eeew-tana POV)_

So I had just said how I was here, y'all when OMG! these four freaky twin-things jumped at me!

They all said, "I'll handle this."

This one huddle of girls who I could TOTALLY tell were HUMONGOUS fans of mine sighed and said, "KILL HER!"

"Holy Moses!" I twanged. "Y'all can't get me faster than a soccer player in Iowa wearing purple on a Thursday in the middle of January with his cat on a leash-"

"Who cares?!" they all shouted. Then the guys who were waaaaay into me leaped on me, tying me up with my wig!

"NOOOOOO!" I shouted when it came off my head. "Now y'all world knows mine secret!"

A tall caveman growled menacingly, "What secret? On your TV show, you try to keep it a secret. But in real life, we all know that Miley Cyrus is really Hannah Montan-"

"DON'T Y'ALL SAY IT!" Then I recognized the studmuffin! "OMG! EDWARD-CEDRIC! Is that you, Edward-Cedric Pattinson?!"

"Yes," he replied simply.

"SWEET GIBLETS!" I felt like I could faint! "I HEART YOU! AND LURVE YOU! AND WANT TO CALL Y'ALL MY OWN!"

This one brunette standing next to him came up to me. "That's my husband, hick."

"OMG! YOU MUST BE KRISTEN SWAN!"

"Yeah, and my new ugly mullet will kill you!

"OMG YOU HAVE A MULLET? MULLETS ROCK LIKE ROCKS!"

"Stop being so hillbilly-ish," whined a depressing-looking lad. "It makes my head hurt."

"Who are y'all, depressing-looking lad?" I drawled.

"Nico. Nico di Angelo." He scowled at me, which obviously meant that he looooved me.

"OMG Y'ALL HAVE YONDER COOLEST NAME EVER! LIKE ME!"

"Whatever. Kill her, guys, quickly!"

"BUT I'M EMPRESS MONTANA! Y'ALL CAN'T KILL ME! I HAVE TO TAKE OVER Y'ALL WORLD!" It was true. I needed to take over the world with my Hannah Montana awesome-ness.

One of the four freak twins with blue eyes said, "No! Artemis Fowl will take over the world!"

"NO! I WILL! I WILL! I WILL! I WILL!" I bet I sounded like a five-year-old. A totally hawt five-year-old, anyway.

Then this flood of water, a jet of green light, a sword, and a dictionary flew at me.

"GOOD BYE, Y'ALL CRUUUUEL WOOOOOOOORLD!"

_(Spongebob POV)_

"Is it... dead?" I asked joyfully.

"YES!" chorused everyone, for once echoing my joy.

Then we began to sing!

"Ding dong the witch is dead!

Which old witch?

The wicked witch!

Ding dong the wicked witch is dead!"

_Two Ow-uhs Late-uh_

"The wicked witch is deeeeeeeeeeead!"

"I had no idea that people could be so evil!" I said. "Worse than Plankton!"

"Plankton is awesome," Nico di Angelo said.

"But he's EVIL!"

"He's the only character that isn't insufferable," added Edward-Cedric.

"Are you calling me insufferable?" I began to cry heartwrenching sobs. "I'm going home to Bikini Bottom!"

I ran towards a helicopter and asked the driver to take me home. We flew away.

_(Artemis Fowl POV)_

"Thank Butler!" I said. "That idiot sponge is gone!" I looked around. "Hey, I have an idea!"

"What?" chorused everyone.

"Let's plant an atomic bomb."

Delighted whispers ensued. Pretty soon everyone was nodding enthusiastically.

"But where?" asked Gregor's girlfriend.

"Ooh! Me! Pick Me!" Harry screeched, waving his hand like a madman.

"Harry." I picked.

"I have this really really awful teacher..."

* * *

**Who is the teacher? Will we find out? Who do you think it is? Did you enjoy this chapter? WHAT WILL HAPPEN NEXT?**

**Oh, yes. Thanks everyone who reviewed! THE WORLD WILL SOON BE MINE!  
**


End file.
